... where family is the source of humor!

The Boyfriend by Kimberly Ripley

We, as parents of daughters, sometimes feel like we are sitting on pins & needles, when they start dating. Wondering what the prior years of our teaching and child-raising will result in whom [or what] our little girl brings home to meet us. Kimberly shares a humorous excerpt, from Breathe Deeply, This Too Shall Pass, about the family meeting her teen age daughter's new boyfriend. At times like this it may be helpful to have a sense of humor.

He is tattooed from his jaw to his ankles. He has more body piercings than a pin cushion. His hair, all nineteen strands, is vivid blue. His vocabulary consists of "Yo" and "Dude" and even those words are indiscernible at times. He sells incense at a shop that looks like Jerry Garcia's living room, and claims to have been visited by aliens at the age of nine. He is my daughter's current boyfriend.

It is beyond me what my beautiful daughter, a college-bound flutist, finds in this peculiar young man, but rather than alienate her from our family gatherings, we have chosen instead to include him, too. This, at times, has taken a bit of creative effort. You see, Bob, (not his real name) is a vegan. My initial response to this was apparently incorrect.

"Oh, I've heard of those conventions," I said. "My friend got Leonard Nimoy's autograph at one in L.A."

"No, Mom," my daughter rolled her eyes. "A vegan doesn't eat meat."

"Oh, really, honey?" I dismissed my daughter, as she grew more embarrassed by the moment. "Did you ever get to see William Shatner? Or how about the guy who wasn't really a guy?-I think his name was Mega, Beta, I don't really remember."

"It was Data, Mom, and he's not a Trekkie, he's a vegan," she annunciated. "He does not eat meat!"

"I thought that was a vegetarian," I stupidly assumed.

"A vegan won't even eat anything that has to do with meat," Judy continued explaining.

I didn't realize how difficult this could be when including Bob in our dinner plans. Bob doesn't eat mayonnaise, drink milk, or use butter on his bread. He also won't eat things cooked in pans with anything resembling meat.

"Lettuce, Bob?"

Conversation was another element where Bob strongly lacked social skills. In addition to his depleted vocabulary, he chose to speak in a tone so soft, everyone was constantly leaning closer, and frequenting the conversation with "What?" and "Excuse me?"

Trying to keep our younger children from staring at Bob and making him uncomfortable was a lost cause.

"What happened to your hair, Bob?"

"Mom, is my hair going to do that when I get old?"

Old to a six-year old is nineteen.

"How old do I have to be to get a tattoo?"

"Ancient," I reply.

Bob does, in fact, have a gift for communicating with young children. He has sat patiently for an hour and a half teaching the youngest to play chess. He has built extravagant Lego complexes, complete with footbridges and moats. He is patient about being climbed upon and generous with hugs.

I guess he's not so bad.

Are you among the group, (myself included) who looks at these young people and wonders, "What on earth must their parents be like?" I was shamed into losing my membership in that club.

Incorrectly assuming I would be introduced to an older man with blue hair and earrings, and a woman with tattoos, I was surprised, and even a little ashamed when I met Bob's parents. Bob's '79 Ranchero died it's final death in our driveway, so we offered the mournful soul a ride home that evening. In a cordial mood, we accompanied Bob to his front door.

We were greeted by the pastor of a church across town.

After polite introductions, we made our way back to our car. Before driving off, we rolled down the window to a winded Bob, who had suddenly sprinted from inside of his home, and was approaching the driver's side window.

"Yo, dudes!" he bellowed.

"Yes, Bob?"

"Like, that was rad, man, you know, like helping me out with a ride home when the wheels crapped out on me at your place," he said.

"You're welcome?"

I think we made the appropriate response.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Breathe Deeply, This Too Shall Pass
[Kimberly Ripley; 128 pages]
You've read excerpts, Laundry Management and The Boyfriend, shared here at Humor Is Relative. Now read the book by Kimberly! You will smile, laugh, and no longer feel alone as a parent to teens. Can you relate?

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Breathe Deeply, This Too Shall Pass
[Kimberly Ripley; 128 pages]
You've read excerpts, Laundry Management and The Boyfriend, shared here at Humor Is Relative. Now read the book by Kimberly! You will smile, laugh, and no longer feel alone as a parent to teens. Can you relate?

All our loves are first loves.
-- Susan Fromberg Schaeffer, Mainland

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Humor Is Relative thanks Cay Dickson, from Houston Chronicle, for the compliment!

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
-- Roy Croft

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I'm afraid I was very much the traditionalist. I went down on one knee and dictated a proposal which my secretary faxed over straight away.
--Stephen Fry & Hugh Laurie A Bit More Fry And Laurie

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It is also possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen.
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