How Would A Woman Hide Illegal Breasts by Carol Wells
Goals are three-fold for television talk shows: provide entertainment, offer some information, and make money. One talk show's episode, however, left Carol's husband feeling more curious than informed. When does big become too big?
One night my husband, Frank, had trouble getting to sleep so he decided to watch some television. Local channels were rerunning some of their daytime talk shows; one about sending trouble-making teens to boot camp, another featured pseudo make-overs, and a third was going to be 'discussing' breast implants.
Now my husband feels the boot camp theme, on several talk shows, only offered as a brief respite from all the paternity test episodes. Although the boot camp theme is generally limited to teen-agers, one talk show host assembled a group of 'wild and out of control ' 6 to 8 year olds to send off to boot camp. My husband nearly hit the roof when seeing the show's commercial teasing about that upcoming episode! "What next? Wild and out of control newborns?"
Frank decided to watch the talk show about breast implants and I sat on the couch to watch it with him as the panel of women smilingly walked -and jiggled- out to take a seat when introduced. My husband silently raised his left eyebrow after each woman appeared. His eyes slightly bugged out as they posed to show off their side profile before trying to sit on a bar stool.
One woman had the good fortune in providing the talk show host with a 'teaser' before a commercial break as the show's female host claimed the state of Michigan would not permit the size of implants this particular woman wanted.
"How dare Michigan do such a thing," he exclaimed a bit sarcastically. "Banning breast sizes, good God, when will the government end their interference? Will they actually resort to arresting women for having illegal breasts? What size of breasts could be banned in Michigan?"
"Don't look at me," I replied. "I've never lived in Michigan."
"But if she got the size she wanted, would she have to move out of the state." My husband wondered. "If she had the operation done in another state, would she have to smuggle her chest back home? Would her breasts become contraband?"
"Perhaps she hasn't heard that Ripley's Believe It Or Not closed up shop a while back," I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
"They found women for this show boasting of having 50 triple H breasts so how much larger than that is considered illegal in size? And why would a woman want to be bigger than 50 HHH?" His hands trying to show how far from his body that he felt a 50 HHH chest might be. "How could she drive?"
"You are asking me?" "Well ... no, not really. Nevertheless, why." Frank asked me. "One woman on that stage, her breasts are so large that they are already to her belly button when she is standing up. Not due to gravity or age but roundness! Let alone when she sat down, those things were literally in her lap! How big does this woman, from Michigan, want her breasts? To her kneecaps"
"I want to know how she would hide the fact that she had the desired implants after being told 'no,'," I said while waiting for the show to resume. I admit having a humorous mental image of the woman 'disguising' the breasts, which would give completely new meaning being introduced to 'Rita' and 'Lucy'.
Apparently, the talk show's audience felt it had a duty to heckle the women on stage. Sadly, the woman, seeking the illegal breast implant size, became distracted by the audience and the female host, enjoying the trading of one liner insults between the woman and the audience, did not further attempt getting information about the desired size's legal thoughts.
The 'teaser', which had successfully grabbed Frank's attention, served no other purpose than to keep him in suspense even after the show ended. Not even a mentioning of what size, in inches or cup, the woman was considering.
I am reluctant in admitting this but, yes, we looked through some of Michigan's legal web sites. Although the Internet can be a useful tool at times we failed to locate anything that shared information on legal -or illegal- breast sizes for that state.
About This Story's Author:
© 1999-2006 Carol Wells
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