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Butt Scootin' With Mom by Carol Wells

No, you read that correctly as the title is not a typographical error. This is not about country line dancing or the song "Boot Scootin' Boogie" but, instead, a humorous memory about a time when Carol Burnett shared an exercise she enjoyed . . . way back when.

Back in my teen years if you had asked me whom I admired, I would have replied Carol Burnett and Alice Cooper. [My musical tastes to the chagrin of my parents, who kept trying to ply me with Osmond Brothers and John Davidson albums. Yet, I did not discover Alice Cooper upon my own. I should thank my older brother's record collection I periodically looted . . . um, I mean, looked through.]

The Carol Burnett Show became weekly television "must watch" ritual. I enjoyed the fact she not only acknowledged her average appearance but also managed to use that to her advantage through humor. Of course, it did not hurt that she and I shared the name Carol.

The segment my mother and I enjoyed the most was the beginning. Carol Burnett strolled out on stage; greeting the audience then answer questions. The "do the Tarzan yell" may have been an oft request put forth to Carol Burnett. Yet, the audience also followed the silent rule of being unpredictable.

One evening Carol Burnett shared, in response to a question, an exercise she claimed to enjoy. My mother's ears perked up when Carol stated it was also great for the hips, buttocks, and legs.

I do not know why my mother's ears perked up. At that time, my mother wore a size 5 and her legs did not look bad at all. Then again, she always had attractive legs (even in her golden years). She prided herself about her legs in fact, buying furniture just to help them remain looking good!

Yes, you read that right. She would make sure she could comfortably "kick up her heels" up on the loveseat. She claimed having her legs higher than her head while watching television was her secret weapon against possible varicose veins. She also felt that having to "hook" the heel, for gripping, helped her calves retain their youthful appearance.

Yet, when Carol Burnett talked about this exercise, the ears on my mother perked up all the same. Carol went a step further and demonstrated the exercise for the audience. My mother was thrilled! The slight heel digging action helped convince my mother she was correct about her heel "hooking" on the love seat exercise.

It only seemed right my mother and I would try this exercise out alongside Carol Burnett. After all, what guarantee did we have she would share this great buttock and leg exercise again?

Carol Burnett claimed that the exercise simplistic and fun. You sat on the floor with your legs in front of you; then you "walked" using your buttocks and using your legs as a "resistance" factor. You could go forward or in reverse across the floor.

Only, I believe, my mother and I cheated and used our heels to get a "good running start," you might say. So, get out your overactive imagination caps and envision the sight that my father walked innocently in on. He stood there, in silent observance, with a perplexed look on his face.

The two of us happily and almost effortlessly "butt scooted" back and forth across the floor while watching the television show. My mother noticed him and smiled, "We are firming our hips, butts, and legs thanks to Carol Burnett!"

He just shook his head and silently walked out of the room. No doubt, in retrospect, feeling like he somehow missed the punch line to a joke.

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