... where family is the source of humor!

Dressing Like An Eighth Grader by Catharine Bramkamp

Attending events at our children's school, or just around town, have us at times wondering. Such as about, if given a chance to express our thoughts, how would we handle the role of advice columnist? Some of us may hold back our thoughts and share the Miss Manners or politically correct thoughts instead. Or would we be tempted to follow Catharine's example and share the Miss Behaved slightly colorful two pennies worth of thought?

Dear Miss Behaved: I just attended my son's eighth grade graduations and was shocked at the attire the girls were allowed to wear. They were all dressed like prostitutes! My son was so appalled he could barely wrest his eyes from the spectacle.

Signed: Simply Shocked in the Third row.

Dear Simply: You did not say so, but you are correct in labeling those eighth grade girls as Miss Behaved. But the reason these girls are Miss Behaved is not that they are wearing a thin cotton shift, $40 at Old Navy, with bare legs and large chunky shoes in public. They are Miss Behaved because they CAN wear a thin cotton shift, $40 at Old Navy, with bare legs and large chunky shoes in public. Who better to wear short, thin dresses than girls with skinny, undeveloped thighs that don¹t rub together when they walk?

Most Miss Behaved people agree that it would be far more shocking to see a woman who is deeply involved in sensible middle age dressed the same way. Unless of course, she¹s trophy wife, then we can pass around gossip far more salacious than the fact she dresses like an eighth grader.

Many sincere people would love to dress the younger generation in appropriate clothing . The challenge is that appropriate has been re-placed with the Miss Behaved notion that a girl can wear what she wants. And really, if those Miss Behaved short dresses are not worn by young girls, by default it would mean those dresses must be worn by the mothers of young girls. Because someone is shopping at Old Navy.

To ally the immediate fear that grown women are wearing half grown shifts, a quick Miss Behaved survey determined that very few women with children attending a typical American middle school graduation were prepared to leave the house wearing nothing more than a layer of cheap cotton and thong underwear.

Which leaves us with the fearless girls. They are born to wear tiny clothes. But please, don't let graduation be your final insult. Consider the next event, the prom.

Every May protests and eyebrows are raised over the chosen attire of young things attending the biggest night of their lives. There are Miss Behaved comments to be made about the Prom in general, but for this argument, let's stick to the dress. Every year the girls shop for the perfect dress and every year other wise sensible parents abdicate control feeling that if there is going to be a fight, there are larger battles than what the kid will wear for one night. And without fail there is protest from one group or another who either didn't dress at all when they were seventeen, or their only entrée to the prom was to volunteer for clean-up, on how this year's ensembles are completely "inappropriate". In small towns this issue often makes the lifestyle section of the local paper.

The Miss Behaved opinion is that just as they can wear those dresses made of four ounces of cotton, there is no group better equipped to wear some slinky, back less, middle-less (thank you Britany Spears, Miss Behaved Marketing Phenomena of 2002) prom dress than 17 year old girls who can hold up and hold in every single inch of their parts all by themselves without medical or technical aid.

Many Miss Behaved women feel that someone should enjoy wearing those tankini's. Someone needs to purchase those huge clunky shoes that were marked down almost immediately because the women with money wouldn't think of wearing something so ridiculous. Someone, besides Pop stars should be willing and able to wear the dictates of fashion. It's a dirty job; it's best to leave it to the young.

The real Miss Behaved question is, should we whisper to these young things that this wonderful window of opportunity will only stay open for about two years? Less if they spend their freshman year in college ordering pizza with extra cheese every other night? Should we give them "The Talk" about cellulite? Share with them that what lies ahead is a life long battle devoted to keeping what they have right now?

They will look like you soon enough. You can always take your son to a real prostitute so he can compare.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Being Miss Behaved: Humorous Essays For The Politically Incorrect
[Catharine Bramkamp; 201 pages]
After enjoying excerpts, such as Flour Babies and Dressing Like an 8th Grader, shared here at Humor Is Relative - why not order the book to read more! Catharine will have you laughing and shaking your head with her Miss Behaved essays. Can you relate?

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.
-- Will Rogers

Humor Is Relative
WebSite Primer
... or Search The Web

Humor Is Relative thanks Cay Dickson, from Houston Chronicle, for the compliment!

She just wore Enough for modesty - no more.
-- Robert William Buchanan White Rose and Red

Think you have a witty story about your family to share with our readers? Submit it! Who knows, we just may like it!

If skirts get any shorter, I'm gonna have to get my legs fixed. They don't go all the way up.
-- Phyllis Diller

Meet Humor Is Relative's contributors!

You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.
-- Mae West