... where family is the source of humor!

Having A Miss Behaved Holiday [Part 2] by Catharine Bramkamp

Continuation of Catharine's Miss Behaved thoughts ... with a holiday flavoring.

Part 1 of Catharine Bramkamp's "Having A Miss Behaved Holiday"Paper goods are an important component to Miss Behaved entertaining. Oh sure, many Miss Behaved women picked up some expensive china during an elaborate wedding or two, and we suggest displaying that place setting on the mantle for the new in-laws to admire. But for any event that involves cleaning up afterwards, buy festive paper products. For Christmas, pull out the plates and cups printed with pumpkins, witches or birthday clowns. It demonstrates that they were bought on sale and you are a thrifty sort of person.

Another excellent Miss Behaved survival tactic for the holidays is to exchange competencies. It's not hard for a Miss Behaved woman to figure out her talents; they are few and easy to list off on one hand. Trade what you know about reaching the last mile in telecommunications with a friend who has three good cookie recipes and is willing to whip up a batch of each for you. One Miss Behaved woman bid on homemade cookies at an auction and supplied her family nicely all through the holidays. Another Miss Behaved woman decided that the bakery next to her house was close enough to claim they were Nearly Home made and picked up a couple of dozen every week in December.

Some Miss Behaved people have observed that every year the neighbors are compelled to spend a great deal of money for the privilege of dragging an ant infested tree from the wilds of the tree farm into the nice clean house. They then spend hours carefully decorating it with elaborate hand blown glass ornaments, knowing that the look on the dog's eye does not bode well for the health of the project. But they insist, year after year. Since Miss Behaved people are prone to quickly acquiesce to even a hint of peer pressure, they too drag in a tree and dutifully decorate it.

But Miss Behaved tree decorators eschew the designer ornaments in favor of completely covering the tree with fake snow from a can. Some Miss Behaved children try to bring in the snow from outside but it often doesn't look as nice since they found the snow under the car and it's a bit dirty. Ornaments depicting the children's favorite cartoons, thirteen pounds of silver tinsel, and a few green plastic balls complete the Miss Behaved look. A few very Miss Behaved families go ahead and festoon a fake tree with a happy birthday banners and chili pepper lights.

While in the throes of shopping, decorating, scooping out pumpkins and buying cans of pumpkin soup, some Miss Behaved people must listen to other very sincere people attempt to point out that the real meaning of Christmas is the birth of our Savior plus spending an entire weekend with estranged members of the family one wouldn't ordinarily hail on the street. Miss Behaved people acknowledge the big picture sentiment and choose instead to celebrate the holidays by missing Mass and forgetting to invite the relatives they don't like, giving the last of the purchased gingerbread house to the dog, throwing handfuls of fake snow at one another during the big holiday meal and accidentally igniting a sibling's tennis shoe in the rush to be first to gather all the wrapping paper and create a big bonfire in the fireplace.

These same sincere people attempt to counter this disastrous Miss Behaved attitude by praying vigorously for the Miss Behaved family during this holiday time. Miss Behaved people are grateful for this effort all the while knowing that their contribution to the holidays is to give well behaved people something neutral to discuss during their own tense holiday meals. Miss Behaved families are far more interesting than describing how to get the soup to stay in the pumpkin.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Being Miss Behaved: Humorous Essays For The Politically Incorrect
[Catharine Bramkamp; 201 pages]
After enjoying excerpts, such as Flour Babies and Dressing Like an 8th Grader, shared here at Humor Is Relative - why not order the book to read more! Catharine will have you laughing and shaking your head with her Miss Behaved essays. Can you relate?

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Being Miss Behaved: Humorous Essays For The Politically Incorrect
[Catharine Bramkamp; 201 pages]
After enjoying excerpts, such as Flour Babies and Dressing Like an 8th Grader, shared here at Humor Is Relative - why not order the book to read more! Catharine will have you laughing and shaking your head with her Miss Behaved essays. Can you relate?

The beauty of 'spacing' children many years apart lies in the fact that parents have time to learn the mistakes that were made with older ones -- which permits them to make exactly the opposite mistakes with the younger ones.
-- Sydney J. Harris

Humor Is Relative
WebSite Primer
... or Search The Web

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
-- Dennis Fakes Points with Punch

Think you have a funny story about your family, or moments in parenting, that our readers may enjoy? Review Humor Is Relative submissions guidelines & submit your story! Who knows, we just may like it!

Meet Humor Is Relative's contributing writers!

The most important a father can do for his children is to love their mother. -- Theodore Hesburgh

I never see any home cooking. All I get is fancy stuff.
--Duke of Edinburgh