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Miss Behaved Christmas Scenes [1] by Catharine Bramkamp

Catharine shares another "Miss Behaved" observation, in terms of the gift giving and receiving, about the Christmas season.

Dear Miss Behaved:
The holidays always exacerbate a fundamental problem with our family and I feel terrible for the children as a result of it; I am still married to my first husband. We didn't realize how adversely this would affect the children until yesterday when their friend Pete received many huge packages from a guilt stricken father who wasn't particularly guilt stricken when he abandoned the family to "find himself" in the rain forest but he's guilty now, and it's easy to order off the Internet. Needless to say, we received "the look" from our own children, and a running monologue about how great Pete's father is to send not one, but three new games along with the Super-Sized Sony Play Station 2003.

But we remained impassive to their admiration of the absent father, in fact, after the last state report during which my husband spent fifteen hours looking up exactly the right silhouettes of the state seal (a large rock) for the cover of the report on New Hampshire (the granite state), he feels the youngest child owes him a gift. He has left many Home Depot catalogues around the living room, but to no avail.

How do I explain to the children that because we love them and love each other we aren't compelled to make it up to them in material goods?

Signed, Still In Love for the First Time

Dear in Love,
It is remarkably Miss Behaved of you to still be with your first husband. Like owning season tickets to the ballet, you are being Miss Behaved just because the percentage of people doing it is so terribly small.

But of course, since we are Miss Behaved, we have nothing but sympathy for your poor children. How terrible not to be able to contribute to the weekly conversations normal children exchange involving the house switches, weekend schedules and step sibling foibles. To not be able to join in elaborate plans to determine where favorite outfits are stored and which parent has the DSL and which does not. To be able to brag about celebrating their birthday at a Six Flags amusement park, instead of just getting a homemade cake and a sleep over.

And, as you are aware, it's always worse at Christmas.

Children with intact families are at a distinct and marked disadvantage during the holidays. Children living with happily married parents do not get to take a great trip to Aspen or Tahiti to meet the estranged parent who feels he/she may as well have a good time themselves while babysitting the kid.

Truly fortunate children are blessed with disagreeing ex-parents. These ex-spouses are so concerned about turn taking that they can't agree on which relative the child should visit during the holidays. What this means is that while the unfortunate children of responsible parents must travel for five hours Christmas day to spend another six hours in Aunt Mona's overheated house and politely visit with Aunt Sheryl and Uncle Roger and not eat with his or her fingers (the child's not Uncle Rogers) and smile continually and be polite, even if the gifts consist of $25.00 savings bonds, the child of the disagreeing parents is dropped off at the mall to spend gift certificates at the Gap.

And, the most Miss Behaved tragedy of all, children with intact families don't get double the gifts during Christmas. Plus the children of divorced parents also have the guilt bonus program thrown in that requires each gift have to be bigger and better than the last. Very large and expensive gifts are required as a pre-emptive distraction to soften the blow of a re-marriage announcement.

Miss Behaved pundits know that children of acrimoniously separated parents have the added advantage of honing superior manipulation skills, to pit one parent against the other (a skill that will serve them well later in life as they work through the jungle of corporate America). While the only thing the poor children of intact, original families learns is cooperation, and that won't help a person in a Miss Behaved world at all.

So yes, you are right to feel badly. Your children are clearly at a disadvantage, not only in skill levels but also because you and your spouse not only talk and possibly agree between the two of you about the spending limits at Christmas, you are also devoted to purchasing only those gifts that are appropriate. And if you want to really rub it in, take time off from work and just be with the kids, it may upset them at first, but they'll get use to it.

Compared to parents who know that when it comes to buying love, there is no spending limit, you are being very Miss Behaved.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Being Miss Behaved: Humorous Essays For The Politically Incorrect
[Catharine Bramkamp; 201 pages]
After enjoying excerpts, such as Flour Babies and Dressing Like an 8th Grader, shared here at Humor Is Relative - why not order the book to read more! Catharine will have you laughing and shaking your head with her Miss Behaved essays. Can you relate?

A child, like your stomach, doesn't need all you can afford to give it.
--Frank A. Clark

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Humor Is Relative thanks Cay Dickson, from Houston Chronicle, for the compliment!

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