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Parking Lot Thoughts by Carol Wells

In the mid-1990's it became a fad to label. This fad was not for home or office organization but parking lots! The signs "New or Expectant Parent Parking Only" still are placed nearby to Handicapped slots. Questions that Carol has is ... why didn't these parking slots for pregnant women appear earlier - and is there ex post facto clause of use? And what about other parking lot thoughts that may be deserving of reserving particular parking slots?

I amaze my husband at times. Now this is not always an easy thing for a wife to manage to do.

We head to the mall, and I point out an empty parking place near the building's doors. "I don't know how you do it," he mutters while pulling the car into the slot. "I come out here to pick up something and have to park on the outskirts of the mall; I come here with you and *whoosh* almost front row parking access..."

I just shrug my shoulders. Shopping with small children and my mother teaches one quickly about important parking lot detection skills. Casting a look in his direction, I also decide to not tell him I would happily circle a lot until space closer to the doors would open up. Frank, on the other hand, has a habit of pulling into the first open slot he notices - which may explain why he sometimes winds up far from the mall doors.

Which has me wondering why, in the past couple or so years, pregnant women and those deemed "new parents" have parking spaces set aside for them. Now I know it is a hassle carrying Junior or Junioretta, rain or shine, in their little carrier seat to the store, but ... why was it thought this suddenly deserved special spaces in the parking lots?

I have seen people with car seats in their cars pull into these slots, but no kid in sight. I have spotted occasional sets of grandparents, with their own car seat in the car for a grandchild, parking in one of these slots even though they would be hard-pressed to pass as a "new parent". It does not apparently matter if one has a child or if they are of childbearing age … or gender.

And pregnant women? Well, some of the flattest stomached pregnant women park in these slots! I admit to having seen "I'm beyond 6 months and so pregnancy is making me waddle while walking now" or two park in them but the majority of the time women exit their cars wearing tight-fitting and non-maternity styled clothing.

During my past pregnancies, no one set aside a slot just for me to use because I was pregnant. I had to look for a convenient parking place just like everyone else was doing regardless of how swollen my feet were or the baby deciding to see if it could entertain itself by placing pressure on various parts of my 'innards'.

Then the sign also adds in about "new parents". What is this? Rear facing car seats is not a major factor since the stores also allow forward facing car seats in these designated parking spots. My husband sometimes parks in one of these slots while saying "Well, I am a new parent..." Technically, he is not lying, as our son is his first time around the parenting block and as a father, he is learning something new about being a parent every day. I am still considered being of childbearing age, so I could possibly be pregnant with a new child while I am pulling into the slot to park.

I mean these are not comparable to handicap parking slots where you have to have a sticker or special license plate to signify you are allowed to park in those specially designated spots without getting a ticket. What is required as proof for one to park in a "pregnant women or new parents" slot? Have an at home pregnancy test "stick" dangling from the rear view mirror clearly showing it's positive results? If so, how do you prove it was your home pregnancy test and not someone else's? For "new parents" ... is there a device you swipe a card given to you at the hospital to allow you access to park in these places or a special sticker you get at the DMV after showing your kid's birth certificate? In addition, how long is one considered being a "new parent"? Until the child is 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, or 18 years in age?

What if folks do not want to have kids or cannot have them? I think it is only fair that a designated slot or two set aside for them, near the store's doors, in the "Parking for those who aren't parents" section. What is good for the goose is good for the gander, right?

While thinking this over ... I think single women deserve a special set of parking slots set aside in a section for "Single Women Shopping Alone". Some single men are shy about meeting women, so I think there should be a matchmaking section in parking lots. Next to the "Single Women Shopping Alone" could be a few slots designated for "Shy Single Men Wishing To Meet Single Women".

Who knows, if we did this then maybe one of the couples meeting this way would hold their wedding in the parking lot - maybe even exchange vows in the parking slot where they first met! Unless, of course, there is already a slot set aside specifically for hosting parking lot wedding ...

I also think older people who are not handicapped deserve a section near the doors to places that could be labeled "Parking For Senior Citizens" Let's face it, they rather earned the right to be pampered a bit by us young folks. Even if we do not know them, personally, we may have benefited from their contributions through work or society.

Those arrested for shoplifting can get parking spaces near the outer edge of the lot. "Five Finger Discounters" designated parking may help cut down in the number of thefts if people took advantage of these spots.

Then there are those mini-vans and SUVs! Sorry, but you folks need a "Smaller Than A Winnebago but Harder To See Around Than A Cadillac" parking section. A safe zone, removed from those of us in mid-size or smaller cars, where you can battle it out trying to see around each other when trying to back out.

I also think a section designated for those "Customers Claiming To be 'Dashing In Just For A Minute'" is justifiable and I know just where stores can set aside for these spots: the Fire Lane. Yes, I know technically that people should not park there, but - they do! They even sometimes leave someone in the car listening to the radio while they "just dash in" to grab what they need or want. Doesn't matter if they are there to grab one thing or 5, they seem to forget they have to still stand in a checkout line but will still park in the Fire Lane. So why not? We could rig it so that if they don't have a red flashing light and the vehicle is there for more than 5 minutes, the tires will automatically be deflated since this is an area they shouldn't be parking in unless they have a flashing red light to begin with.

Then lastly a section for those who "Can't Park Between The Painted Lines" may be handy for drivers who think they need 1/4 to 1/2 of another parking slot for their cars. They either accidentally or purposefully overshoot the front line or one of the side lines ... doesn't matter, they managed to take more than one slot as they were unable to recall their driver's ed. class about how to park in the lines like a good courteous driver.

I went through pregnancy five times and not once, while carrying a new life, did I have a "special parking slot" to use while doing errands. I had little tiny babes that went along on those shopping trips, rainy days or sunny ones - cold weather or warm, and no "special area" set aside, close to the store, for our consideration.

I will openly admit that I will park in these "Pregnant women or New Parents" slots uncaring of what anyone thinks. I have earned the right to and I have the stretch marks to prove it. In addition, ... there is a car seat in my car and I still have some of my maternity clothes in the closet. Although I will also admit, this is the silliest parking slot designation idea and hope it just a passing "fad" that will disappear from our parking lots.

Laziness is nothing more than resting before you get tired.
-- Jules Renard

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