... where family is the source of humor!

Uh-Huh by John Sheirer

John treats the Humor Is Relative readership with a sneak preview? The following is an excerpt shared from an upcoming memoir of his! In this humorous, but oh-so-easy to relate to story, he shares about when a sibling calls on the telephone and has the knack, as we would say in my hometown area, of being able to talk one's ear off. How many of you are guilty of the "uh-huh" method of phone conversations? Especially when a member of the family is on the other end of the phone line?

My sister Tam is two years older than I am - twenty-six months, to be exact. Her twin sister is Pam, and my twin sister is June. Early in our lives, it was clear that June and Pam were more like twins, as were Tam and I. June and Pam did okay in school, but they were more practically minded than interested in academics. Tam and I were the honor students. I even looked a bit more like Tam as a kid than I did like June.

When Tam was a junior in high school, she spent part of the summer at West Virginia Wesleyan College in Buckhannon, West Virginia, attending a science program used to recruit new students. It must have worked because she enrolled there after she graduated. On my first visit to Wesleyan, I knew I wanted to enroll too. I didn't even apply anywhere else. The campus was small and so pretty, and all the people seemed attractive and smart and fun - especially compared with my high school classmates.

Sometimes today, people ask me why I went to college in such a back-water place as West Virginia. Buckhannon had a movie theater, stores, restaurants, even bars. Considering the little farm where I came from, it seemed like the big city to me.

At the start of my freshman year, Dad drove Tam and me to college in a huge purple Cadillac that he had bought from his brother, my Uncle Glenn. This car was so big that I used it as sort of a club house in the summer, often stretching out for a nap in the back seat when I had a free half hour away from farm work. And Dad had driven me to my senior prom in that car. Between the purple Cadillac, my Saturday Night Fever white disco suit, and my Venezuelan exchange student date, I must have made quite a strange sight that evening.

When I loaded all of my sister's luggage and belongings into the Cadillac, the trunk was full, and there was about one foot left in the back seat for me to sit. Dad, Mom, and Tam sat in the front. I sat in the back, feet propped up on my one box of supplies and hugging my single small suitcase to my chest.

Even in that cramped space, I spent the three-hour drive to campus quivering with joy. All through high school, I was convinced that my life wouldn't really begin until I went to college. I figured that college people would accept me for who I was - a thoughtful but happy young man, not the nerdy farmer brain-boy my high school classmates saw me as. From the first day there, as my parents drove away, I knew I was right.

Having an older sister at college was great. We even took a couple of classes together and had friendly competitions to see who could get the best grades. (She usually did, but I caught up by her senior year.) I was a bit shy back then, so she introduced me to lots of really wonderful people. In fact, my first girlfriend was a friend of hers ... and so was my second ... and third. I think I had been there for two years before I started meeting girls on my own.

Tam liked having me there too. We would get together a couple times each week, and she used to call me at my dorm room once in a while. Tam is quite a talker - and that's not meant as a criticism. I liked talking with her, but sometimes I had other things I needed to do.

So when she'd call, after about ten minutes of conversation, I'd say, "uh-huh" and gently put the phone down on my desk while she continued to talk.

Then I'd clean my room. Then lean down to the phone and say, "uh-huh."

Then work on a paper, lean down the phone, and say, "uh-huh."

Then read a chapter in a textbook for the next day's class.

"Uh-huh."

Then go to someone else's room and call to order a pizza.

"Uh-huh."

Then take a shower.

"Uh-huh."

Then go to the lobby to pick up the pizza.

"Uh-huh."

Then pick up the phone and say, "I'm sorry Tam, but I really have to go now."

She'd reply, "I'm so glad I can talk to you. No one listens to me the way you do."

This weekend, I'll give Tam a call. I promise not to put the phone down.

About The Author: John Sheirer teaches public speaking, writing, and literature at Asnuntuck Community College in Enfield, Connecticut. His writing has been published widely in print and on the internet, and he is the author of a public speaking guidebook, Shut Up and Speak!, a collection of poems, Saying My Name: Selected Poems, 1982-2002, and a book of essays, Free Chairs. He is currently completing a memoir, Growing Up Mostly Normal in the Middle of Nowhere.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Free Chairs[John Sheirer; 224 pages]
Did you enjoy the excerpt, Stepfather Once Removed, from Free Chairs? Then you may be interested in reading John's other heart-warming and thought-provoking essays contained in this collection! Can you relate?

The people are to be taken in small doses.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Edison didn't invent the first talking machine. He invented the first one that could be turned off.
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