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All Because She Didn't Get The Joke by Carol Wells

Carol shares about a time she took her mother to a movie. And how a visual joke, shared in the movie, led to an uncomfortable conversation with her parents. [Thanks to the 2004 Super Bowl - this story is rated PG-13]

One day, back in the late 1970's, I asked my mother if she would like to see a movie with me. At that particular time, the movie I selected was National Lampoon's Animal House. Others, who had seen the movie, highly recommended it saying it was a laugh a minute.

I know; major mistake taking one's parent to see a movie aimed at teen-agers. I plead being an optimistic youth in defense of thinking my mother would remotely find the movie funny.

I also should have known better since my mother, for close to three years, thought Alice Cooper was a female singer with a deep voice. Boy, talk about being shocked when she saw Alice Cooper in an episode of The Snoop Sisters with his stage attire and snake!

So there I was, standing in the kitchen innocently thinking that she and I would have a nice Mother-Daughter outing. It did not cross my mind that the outing would turn out differently ... due to one of the jokes shared in the Animal House movie.

Oh, sure, she understood why John Belushi character's ladder fell over while peeking in a sorority girl's window. She giggled then looked around to make sure no one noticed. "Oh my," she clucked at the screen after regaining her maternal composure. "He got what he deserved."

The birthday cake float … well, that joke went right over her head. She looked around at all the other people, including myself, laughing at the movie. "Why are you laughing? What's so funny about a float that looks like a cake," she whispered curiously.

"It's not the float itself but what's written on the side of it," I replied in-between giggles.

"It says 'Eat Me'," she replied. ". I don't understand why everyone is finding that funny. What else is there to do with a cake but eat it?"

"No, Mom," I shook my head, now starting to giggle at her expression. "It's not that."

"Then what is it? Why is a cake with the phrase 'Eat Me' funny?"

"I will let Dad explain when we get home," I whispered back, to stop the conversation so I could watch the rest of the movie. Besides, Dad would know better how to explain it to Mom.

Before she even had her coat off, after we arrived back home, she called for Dad. "How was the movie," he asked when coming out to the family room.

"It was all right, I suppose," Mom replied. "But I didn't get the joke, apparently, that everyone else in the theater got." She described the float to him, "Carol said you would be able to explain the joke to me."

I looked up and saw Dad's blank expression, "It's a cake! What else would you do with a cake but eat it? But I don't get why it would be funny."

"Carol said it was funny in a different way," she replied.

Dad stood and thought for a minute before admitting defeat that he just could not think of any other way that it would be funny. Now I had both of my parents looking at me with puzzled expressions, clearly waiting for me to reveal the punch line. Not a position many 19-year-olds would find enjoyable.

I looked at Dad, hoping to see my next sentence set off a light bulb over his head. "It's a slang phrase for a sexual act. For what a man would do to a woman." I hoped my cryptic wording would be enough, but no - the blank look remained in his eyes. "Ok," I said while taking a deep breath. I was not enjoying being the center of attention, especially with the direction this conversation was taking. "You've heard of 'blow job'? Well, 'eat me' is a role reversal of that, I guess you could say."

"Blow job," Mom looked at Dad curiously.

"Blow job," Dad tilted his head to one side, looking at me while asking.

"Oral sex," I said. "You know, a woman doing it to a guy is called a blow job…."

"Oral sex," Dad looked now at Mom curiously.

She sat there for a moment on the couch with a confused expression. Then her eyes went as big as half-dollars, "You surely don't mean that a woman would put her mouth near...?" It was not actually a question.

A few seconds later my father's head swung around so fast back to my direction that, by all rights, he may have risked whiplash, "Oh dear God!"

"How is that enjoyable," Mom asked.

"Why would anyone do that," Dad asked at the same time.

"Some people find it enjoyable," I replied while hoping that this would be enough information to end the conversation.

"Do you," Mom asked pointedly.

I looked down, hoping that a hole would open up and let me fall in … or that the phone would ring … or someone would ring the doorbell. Anything that would help to interrupt the present discussion as I mentally cursed myself for taking my mother to the movie.

"Well, have you tried it" Dad asked with his most paternal tone.

"No," I replied.

"Then, little missy, care to explain how you know about it," he asked matter-of-factly, letting me know that he did not believe me.

"I read about it in books," I said, hoping that this would get me off the hook.

"In books? You expect me to believe they write about that in books. What type of books do you read," he asked.

"Just books, Dad. You know, romance novels and such that I pick up at the drug store" I shrugged my shoulders while answering.

He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, "Show me just one of those books."

He followed me to my bedroom where I looked over the rows of books and pulled out one. "I think this one will do," I replied. He nodded his head and walked out of the room, taking the book with him. I heaved a sigh of relief that the sexual discussion ended.

The next day, Dad called me out to family room. "Carol, I can't believe you read this crap! Why, what this woman wrote about on page 106 is … is … well, disgusting," he said while waving the book, that he had taken from my room the night before, in the air.

"Wait until you reach page 163," I quipped, almost laughing at the bulged-eye look he gave in response.

After that, during the rest of the time I lived at home, my father would check my bookcase and periodically critique the book selections. I also became more selective about which movies I took my mother to see.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Ethel And Ernest
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If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

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