Your Mission by Shannon McCarty
Being a mother looks so easy. After all, how hard can it be? Our mothers raised us and television moms make it look even easier than our mothers did! Then one day you find yourself with children ... not just any children but your children that need to get to school. Are you up to the task? Read this humorous story from Shannon and see if you can relate!
Your mission: Get three children, ages 4, 4, and 5 into preschool carrying three lunch boxes, three nap mats, three bags of extra clothes, and the orange not pink My Little Pony® with accessories.
The twist: One daughter will only walk into school if she has her head under your shirt like a baby kangaroo. In fact, you are to call her "Baby Joey" and make kangaroo noises along the way. The alternative to doing the twist is that this daughter will scream and writhe on the concrete in the parking lot.
To progress forward you must waddle, legs spread wide while the Baby Joey walks slowly, head under your shirt, exposing your back fat to horrified onlookers. The other two children cross the parking lot while you waddle quickly behind hoping they reach the sidewalk safely. "Hawyuk," you say, trying to sound like a kangaroo.
You make it to the front doors but the two non-marsupials have long gone ahead, signed themselves into their rooms, and are already involved in the craft project. You arrive at the classroom two minutes later with all the supplies and Baby Joey. Successful mission? You think yes, the teacher thinks no.
"Excuse me, Mrs. McCarty?" the teacher says.
"Hawyuk," you say.
She continues, unfazed, "Tess really can't walk herself in the room. It's a safety issue." This last sentence is done in the trying-to-be-kind-yet-completely-judgmental tone that only the childless can master. You look at her blank faced. The sweat is already running channels down your back, the lunch boxes are falling from your shoulder, nap mats are dragging pitifully behind on the ground. Baby Joey is getting restless now exposing your bra to the onlookers.
"Um, um," you say, "Right." That's all you've got. Two seconds later a multitude of witty retorts flood your head, but it's too late.
The next day - your mission: Get three children, ages 4, 4, and 5 into preschool carrying three lunch boxes, three nap mats, three bags of extra clothes, and the pink not orange My Little Pony® with accessories.
The twist: It must be done with the class guinea pig, Piglet, in tow and you cannot cuss out the teacher. And remember its "Haw-YOOK," Mommy, not "Hawyuk."
About This Story's Author:
Shannon McCarty is a freelance writer and mother of Riley 5, and twins, Tess and Tabitha, age 4. Like W., she is from Austin, Texas. The members of her immediate family provide endless humorous material for others, although the humor is lost on the subjects much of the time. Her hobbies include violent sports such as soccer and one season of women's professional football. This keeps any hostility pointed where it should be, at strangers, and away from her children and husband.
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The adult looks to deed, the child to love.
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