... where family is the source of humor!

Indianapolis by Brett A. Hall

Humorous story about family trip to the zoo: mother, father, and their twins. As many parents know, however, a simple family outing - even to the zoo - can take on some spins thanks to children. Such is the setting for Brett's sentimental excerpt from his book One Fine Day: A Collection Of A Father's Anecdotes available from Equilibrium Books.

One fine day, the sun shone bright. Hardly anyone had slept well, as today was the day that we were going to load up the van and make our first ever trip to the zoo! The kids were two and a half and were well versed in the animals and their sounds. On the drive down, we found out together that the cast of The Lion King had overrun Old McDonald's farms. After the cow, the duck and the pig, the wily old farmer showed us that he had a lion, a shark, a giraffe, an elephant and a myriad of additional wildlife that would make Charlotte and Wilbur run for the hills.

The day at the zoo started with the usual. Loaded up the ATBC¹ and left the van with the herd². on the way in, Donovan told everyone that passed by that he was going to see a real shark. It was nice of the guy who responded with a shocked look and "Really?" to play along. You're a real player, whoever you are.

We walked through the turnstiles and after receiving the map, discussed our probable route. For those of you unfamiliar with the Indianapolis Zoo, it's laid out nicely, starting with the seals and the fishes (and, yes, Donovan, the sharks) and then winding up circuitously through different groupings of animals with several convenient places for a family to stop and rest. And rest was something we would definitely need.

First stop, the fish tank. There is a small tunnel that descends into the building that houses the man fish and other aquatic wildlife. It through this noisy tunnel (water rushing from somewhere makes even the short walk an adventure) that we made our way to face the first predator of the day. Susan and Holly made their way around the first big room, looking at brightly colored fish, a bashful octopus and an eel who seemed to think adventure was behaving like a log at the bottom of the sea (bumpless, frogless, and yes, even flyless). I spent the first fifteen minutes watching Donovan watch the sharks swim around their own personal living space. His eyes were wide and he told everyone who passed by that these were sharks, that sharks were meat eaters and that they had lots of teeth. Future marine biologist? Maybe. For now, I'll just enjoy his reaction to these and all the other animals.

As we made our way through the many watery environs, the puffins were the next to catch our eyes. I had recently purchased a pair of puffin Beanie Babies and was surprised when Holly recognized them and told me what they were before I had a chance to tell her. AFter that, the polar bear made a good impression by swimming right up to the glass and showing us his massive paws. The kids went right up to see, but, when the large animal spun gracefully so that its face was near the glass, they turned and informed me that they were done looking at the polar bear. I smiled and led them out of the building.

The snakes were next and they were, for the most part, asleep. There was a green one that made Holly smile, but other than that, it was just a bunch of colorful piles of scales. The Amazon Room was interesting, in that it was one large cage with a path through the center. The birds were able to fly right up to you (a small toucan actually came out onto the path, slowing traffic and initiating tens of requests from all the kids around it, "Can we take it home, Mommy?"

At our first break, we sat down and ate some of the snacks Susan had prepared and then watched the ducks in the pond swim and play. A few curious squirrels scampered over to our table, but Donovan was a bit too aggressive with his intent to pet them and they were soon in their trees lamenting over the loss of a free meal.

Next was Eddie the giraffe. We showed up at feeding time and the kids were excited to have the chance to feed such a unique animal.

"Does he like macaroni and cheese?" Donovan asked.

"No," the zoo lady said with a smile, "but you can feed him these,"

"That's all right," Donovan said holding up a hand. "I'll let you do it."

Zebras, kangaroos and elephants made up the next group. I can tell you honestly that you haven't lived until you hear one of your kids say, "Wow, that's a lot of elephant doo doo," in a crowd.

One more stop for snacks and a quick restroom break and we were on the muggy trail. It was definitely starting to get hot. The tigers were sleepy, the lions were missing and the bears were lounging in their pool to stay out of the heat. Oh my! We saw a bald eagle, some playful monkeys and a few other bizarre looking creatures that turned out to be a kindergarten class that had eaten far too much sugar. What a glorious day!

The rest of the day went well and after three hours of intense animal identification, snack eating and walking, we were all ready to go home at the end. We stopped in to visit the sharks again, then left through the gift shop.³ Our van was nice and warm and before we left the parking lost, the kids were asleep.

Footnotes:
¹ ATBC: All Terrain Baby Carriage. When looking into baby carriages, my advice is not to skimp. We live in a neighborhood where the sidewalks are about as level as the playing field in Vegas. The ATBC was a carriage built for two kids with a luggage rack beneath the seats, a front seat that could be positioned front or rear facing and shade bonnets for both kids. With this machine, the kids were strapped in and ready for an evening on the town!

² If you ever want to buy a minivan but you're not certain which one looks the best, pay four dollars to park at the zoo and then spend rest of the afternoon window shopping. I wouldn't swear to it, but I got the feeling that like Capistrano, the zoo was the place to which minivans must return once gummy bears and crackers have been ground into the upholstery.

³ How smart are those people who design zoos and recreational parks? They place the exit door on the opposite side of a gift shop. Not only that, but arranging the gift shop so that it is literally impossible to find the exit without pausing by piles of colorful, useless animal shaped plastic. We made it out of there for less than twenty bucks. Pretty good if I do say so myself.

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