... where family is the source of humor!

Having A Crabby Day by Carol Wells

It started out as an innocent family trip to a local shopping mall. Who would have guessed what dangers lurked within certain kiosks in the center of the mall walkways? Oh, and did I happen to mention humor lurking and waiting to spring out too?

When my oldest daughter scheduled an eye exam appointment, at a shopping mall in Philadelphia area, the rest of us turned this trip into a family outing! Frank and I had visited Franklin Mills Outlet Mall a couple of times but neither trip adequate exposure to the layout so he selected an easy-to-remember parking spot.

Strolling through one of the anchor store's aisles toward the mall's inner walkway we trusted our daughter, who had been to Franklin Mills at least one more time than Frank or I, to lead the way. She did not let us down. "We want to go left," she said confidently.

We walked by eight storefronts as Frank started to suspect he parked in an inconvenient location. Nearing the 12th store my daughter shared her own suspicion, "We are going in the wrong direction."

The above common 'mall faux pas'. At least I told my husband this as he muttered under his breath while backtracking past the 11 stores then passing by several more.

Eye examination deemed a new set of glasses, which meant an hour to idle away before her new eyeglasses would be ready. My daughter went to pass time by playing some rounds of DDR*. My husband decided to search for a restroom.

15 minutes into our wait, the (almost) 7-year-old male child became bored leafing through the optician office's 3-month-old copy of Reader's Digest. Not wishing to stray too far so Frank could locate us, he and I went for a walk within an 8-store radius.

A nearby kiosk attracted a group of people admiring a collection of hermit crabs with brightly decorated shells for sale. Supposedly, these are quite popular pets in this area and the number of people admiring this kiosk's colorful crab selection would have helped support this popularity thought.

My son's height hindered him so I selected a small shell, about the size of a quarter, to show him the tiny crab nestled inside; which proved not to be interesting as the crab remained inside - due to death, wishing to live up to its name, or being incredibly sleepy. I traded the inactive crab for a slightly larger, but active, one to show my son.

He giggled yet found the creature interesting enough to see what it felt like. He held up his hand to feel the crab's legs on the palm innocently expecting to feel a slight tickle. Instead, we discovered how crabs defend themselves as, before either one us could react, the creature tightly latched onto the fleshy part of one of his fingers.

The small animal's strength was amazing to witness, however, this was not the right time for amazement because my son instantly started screaming as tears rolled down his cheeks, "Ow! Get it off my finger!"

Now here we are - in the middle of a busy mall. One would think someone would come over to help a child under attack, for the lack of a better word, by a hermit crab. I will state that not one - nay, not one person - came over to help us with this over-defensive crab. Individuals browsing the kiosk's offerings either strolled away to find something else to catch their eye or purchased one of the hermit crabs.

Four men, around 30 to 40 years in age, stood nearby watching the scene with interest as I was trying to convince the child to not hurt the crab - as if, at that moment, my son honestly cared if he may hurt the critter, which was hurting him, or not? When not trying to calm down my son, I was verbally coaxing the crab to let go.

The hermit crab grew bored terrorizing my son or with me hoping it understood English. I did not speculate about the reason as I could finally, but victoriously, deposit the hermit crab back into the kiosk's display relieved I would not have to purchase the critter because it, literally, became attached to my son.

The four men walked over to look at the crab then smiled at me before strolling toward another area of the mall. I could only imagine what any of them later told their family, "You wouldn't believe what I saw at the mall today. A little boy was attacked by a hermit crab outside of the optical store!"

Frank returned whilst I was asking the vendor if crabs had venom. Ok - I got crabs confused with jellyfish or tarantulas. Who has ever heard of venomous crabs? According to the puzzled expressions l received - not many. "Oh no; no venom," the vendor assured me, "Crabs just pinch. Next time one does that sprinkle some water in its face to make it let go."

I looked up at the woman in surprise. Next time?

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
I'm Back for More Cash: A Tony Kornheiser Collection (Because You Can't Take Two Hundred Newspapers into the Bathroom)
[Tony Kornheiser; 272 pages]
This book consists of over 100 selections from the syndicated humor column that Kornheiser writes for the Sunday Washington Post. Some of the articles shared cover past news events but you may still get a chuckle in re-visiting those times! Can you relate?

Walk straight, my son - as the old crab said to the young crab.
-- Irish Proverb

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Pain makes man think. Thought makes man wise. Wisdom makes life endurable.
-- John Patrick

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When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
-- Sophia Loren Women And Beauty

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When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something.
-- Dick Butkus