... where family is the source of humor!

My Good Daughter by Marilyn Rudenstein

A little summer feel to this humorous submission from Marilyn. Mother, daughter, and the daughter's children decide to spend some together; what could go wrong? A touch of a typical family relationship and a little humor! My oh my, how many mothers or daughters can relate to Marilyn's story?

I was surprised, yet gratified, when my daughter, Robin, invited me to go with her and my grandsons to the park. It was only a week since I had returned from a 3-day hospital stay for complications brought on by surgical removal of my thyroid gland. As I understood Robin’s plan, she and I were to sit on portable chairs on a trail, while her boys would be immersed in a nearby woods slamming down plant growth with big clubs of wood they’d collect en route to the site. Well, yours truly has problems with summer bugs of any kind, intense heat without swimming relief, and generally despises anything that sports the words "camping" or "woods." Knowing this thoroughly, intellectually, I had great trepidation before agreeing to go, but did so enthusiastically anyway, trying to be the good trooper, instead of a party pooper, so I'd be asked along on future outings. I couldn’t help but wonder why Robin invited me, since she is aware of my incredible dislike of such outdoor summer activities.

We drove out to the park in Robin’s comfortable air conditioned van, comfortable that is aside from the constant screaming and fighting in the back seats. It was well over 90° that day. My grandsons, Cory, age 9, & Charlie, age 5 and Cory's best friend, Chandler, possibly referred to as C, c & C2 in the following paragraphs, were all riproaring to go in their shorts and sneakers or sandals with no socks, as is always the case with C & c, no matter where they go. In fact, Cory sports such attire to school even in the middle of winter with 12" of snow on the ground. Robin was in some kind of tank top, sandals and shorts. I was wearing socks with sneakers that always make my feet too hot, jeans, a shortsleeve top, a sun hat, and had taken along a zippered sweatshirt. Some remarks were made in the van that made me so sad and anxious, I took a tranquilizer right then and there. Next I concentrated on summoning all my energy to hold in the tears which were right near the surface.

AAs soon as we emerged from Robin's van, it was pretty obvious to me that I wouldn't be able to handle this. The sun was scorching, and I found out we had to walk very far to get into the proper depth of woods. I became very nervous. I could barely carry my diet food, water, pocketbook,various sundries, and my longsleeved sweatshirt. I knew I wouldn’t need it for warmth but I was worried about my bare arms being exposed to bugs. Robin was already bogged down with water, etc. for the boys and our two "travel" chairs, which she said everyone uses now, but which I'd never heard of or seen before. Thus, she couldn’t assist me, and the boys had already run far ahead intent on reaching their destination as soon as possible.

By the way, in addition to what I previously mentioned, I always have horrible fears and anxiety about Lyme disease, West Nile Virus, sun burning and the boys getting lost or kidnapped. Those who know me well know this. Robin knows me well. Usually, she ignores, with disgust, any outward showing of these concerns in her presence, so I silently vowed to keep such matters to myself.

Anyway, we walked, and walked, me several yards behind everyone. I worried about my thyroid operation scar getting burned or bitten. (I was told not to wear sunblock on the scar for a week.) We started to pass through masses of flying insects and mosquitoes, which only I appeared to be aware of. I was mortified, but didn't say a word - yet! We finally got deep into the area the boys selected, and they procured their clubs, with the usual yelling and crying over who had the better tree branch. Robin opened up our 2 "travel chairs,” no arm rests, of course, and we proceeded to sit down in the shade. The boys tramped off and could not be seen from our site. Immediately, I was slapping at bugs, started itching uncontrollably on my right hand and wrist and both ankles, even through my socks. I kept swatting and hitting the mosquitoes, all the while observing that the little monsters landed on Robin’s bare arms continually and she didn’t blink an eye. Quickly I took out my Mosquito net hat which has always been an embarrassment for my husband, Roger, and a standard joke with Paul, husband of my other daughter, Sheryl.

Thank goodness for the net, which shielded my neck scar and protected my face a little. I guess I lasted, literally, about two minutes before I said maybe I would call Roger on Robin's phone and ask him to come pick me up, even though he was at work some fifty minutes away! I wouldn’t dare ask Robin to leave for my benefit as it was very important that the boys destroy the plant growth in this lovely park. I sensed a bitter undercurrent passing between us constantly, and was genuinely terrified of the derision and anger I would illicit by suggesting an end to this fiasco. Actually, I probably would have hazarded such a request anyway, if I thought there was any chance she would pack up and leave. My husband, as loving as he usually is, and even though he had been especially devoted to me during my medical treatments, actually declined my request for him to come pick me up. It was agreed that I would go back to Robin's van, sit in it with the air conditioner on, and wait for Robin and the boys to finish having their fun. I do truly believe that if I was genuinely feeling quite ill, a la my operation for instance, both Robin and Roger would have offered assistance, even at their own inconvenience. But since this wasn’t the case, and I wouldn’t lie, I decided to try and give this solution a chance, so that I wouldn’t spoil my family’s fun. I had brought reading material and diet popcorn and Robin said I could put the A/C on so I figured this might actually work for me. Anything would be better than sitting there in the woods, holding in tears, and struggling not to make a peep when c came walking out of the woods, at one point, in his bare feet with his sandals in his hands.

Now I only had to summon the strength and courage to walk back, in the stifling heat, to that distant parking lot. I stalwartly trudged back to the van, receiving all kinds of joking remarks from woods passersby, commenting on my mosquito net. I don't think I responded to any of those intrepid souls, who were happily meandering through paths filled with swarming bugs, dragging baby strollers piled with practically naked children and tons of baby and child paraphernalia. All had huge smiles on their sweating faces.

Once in the van, I took out my popcorn, my Newsweek with the great cover story about how nobody these days is having sex, my warm water, put on the A/C and settled down. I kept my eye on the heat gauge as Robin had instructed and did quite well, for me. I felt proud of my calmness and ability to handle said situation. Robin and the boys actually took me by surprise upon their return, even though they had been gone quite a while. I shuddered to think of what their little part of the woods must now look like.

I acted relaxed and pleasant when the yelling, crying, fighting boys entered the van, breaking the nice peaceful quiet I enjoyed during their absence. Neither Robin nor I commented upon my offering to pay her money if she would leave right now, a little matter that I somehow left out in my previous reportage. Neither was a reference made to Robin’s snotty remark, also made in the woods - a loud imitation of me and nasty ridicule of my issues with insects, an unpleasant dialogue which I similarly neglected to mention previously. Oh, during the trip home, I only ONCE mentioned very nonchalantly to the boys, specifically c, that they shouldn't forget to have Mommy check their whole bodies for ticks.

Robin didn't call me the next day - but gradually we reverted to our usual mother/daughter relationship. I can’t help but reflect upon the intense subterranean resentments each of us harbors for the other, and wonder how often such a similar conflict will be played out again in the future.

It’s interesting how the above incident encompasses such a full range of mother/daughter issues in its own subtle unscripted manner. What a complexity that neither of us chose to call a halt to this “doomed for disaster” plan before it began. Did we both need this confrontation? Was Robin reacting to being “forced” to behave dutifully during my hospitalizations? Was she subconsciously punishing me for the attention I naturally received at that time? And was I, as a doting mother and grandmother merely opting to be near my offspring, disregarding any mental admonitions?

I would like to think, that should another situation arise that dangerously mimics the above fiasco, I would have the foresight to nip it in the bud, so to speak. Better yet, maybe I won’t have to deal with a similar invitation as Robin may have made the same resolution. Unfortunately, I know that unconscious drives can not only be very strong, but often emerge in subtle disguise.

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