.... where family is the source of humor!

Bad Mother of the Week by Debra Garfinkle

We, as parents, naturally, want to do the best for our children. Not only for our children's better interests but also, in hopes of, achieving the goal of becoming a Good Parent. Goals and ideals of perfectionism as we try to strive to being the parent we envision in our minds. Problem with perfectionism, when not achieved, leaves us with doubts and, worse, fears about how our imperfect parenting moments affected our children that Debra manages to humorously share with Humor Is Relative's readers!

Is it just me? Or do other parents live with constant, unremitting guilt? Does anyone else expect the Prize Patrol to ring your doorbell and hand you an enormous trophy for being Bad Mother of the Week?

In one recent week, I racked up many trophy points. First, I completely forgot about my daughter's Native American performance thingie at school. After the horrible realization hit me, I imagined her sad little eyes locked on the classroom door, while her sweet, worried mind underneath her uncomfortable headdress wondered if I'd died on the way over. Because that was the only reasonable explanation for a Good Mother not to be there. Only a Bad Mother would be at home, nonchalantly surfing the Internet and listening to Billy Joel songs.

Other Bad Mother incidents soon followed. When I found out my son's soccer game was canceled due to rain, I accidentally let out a slightly audible "yes!" and a small jump in the air. Also, when said son later asked why his sister got a bigger portion of spaghetti than he did, I said it was because she was The Favorite. And a mere eight days after renting Supersize Me, I took my kids to McDonald's.

Finally, I forgot what the letter of the day was in my youngest child's preschool class, and resorted to bringing in an entire box of alphabet magnets for his sharing, making the teachers forage through it for the correct letter.

I lay awake at the end of that week, asking my husband which of our children would be in a mental hospital first, and how many of them would be jailed.

My husband presented the counter-argument, because he is a lawyer and, more importantly, wanted some sleep. He pointed out that I'd volunteered three times in the kids' schools last week, and that I'd just spent an entire car ride listening to my preschooler's new song which should be titled, "The Horrible Thing That Never Ends Unless You Shoot Yourself." He also said the alphabet magnet idea was pure genius, and maybe if our middle child thought he could be the new Favorite, he'd behave better.

"Hmm. You make some good points," I told him. "And come to think of it, you didn't go to the Native American performance thingie either. Plus, I caught you skipping at least three pages of our preschooler's bedtime book. So I guess no parents are perfect, and we should stop being obsessed with guilt. Right, honey? Honey? Honey?"

In response, he snored.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Storky: How I Lost My Nickname and Won The Girl
[Debra Garfinkle; 192 pages]
Debra has written a young Adult fictional book about Mike 'Storky' Pomerantz's first year of high school and the hurdles, peer pressure, and other events encountered during that year. Those of us who recall that momentous year, when we became freshmen versus just a # grader, can you still relate?

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
-- Alden Nowlan

Humor Is Relative thanks Cay Dickson, from the Houston Chronicle, for the compliment!

You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose.
-- Lou Holtz

Think you have a witty story about your family, or moment being a parent, that our readers will enjoy? Review Humor Is Relative submissions guidelines and submit your story! Who knows, we just may like it!

If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.
-- Gertrude Stein

Meet Humor Is Relative's contributing writers!

You know when you're young, you think your dad's Superman. Then you grow up and you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
-- Dave Atell