.... where family is the source of humor!

Double Trouble by Sarah V. Richard

Many women increase the family's size through a gradual addition to the head count - one-at-a-time. Parents of twins, or triplets, can you relate to Sarah's humorous retelling?

When my ob/gyn asked me, "What do you think about this?" I stared at the two boxes before my jaw dropped - TWINS! Oh, my goodness! Well, that wasn't the exact phrase I used, but there are NO twins in my family - NONE! Besides, I grew up with four younger brothers. Hadn't I suffered enough?

The doctor gave me an ultrasound picture of the twins at eight weeks, and I proudly displayed the portrait of my uterus to friends, family, and co-workers. Most responses went something like this: "you're going to have to buy two of everything: diapers, formula, etc," and then suddenly I started noticing twins everywhere - like something had gotten into the drinking water.

During one of my ultrasounds in the second trimester, the doctor asked me if I wanted to know the sexes or if I wanted to be surprised. I didn't hesitate answering, "NO! NO MORE SURPRISES FROM YOU!" The doctor said that she thought they were both female and an amniocentesis test later confirmed the sexes (which by the way - an amniocentesis test looks a lot worse than it feels.) The were named Baby A and Baby B. I asked the doctor if she thought both babies realized they were together inside my stomach. She didn't hesitate answering, "Absolutely."

The next night they rolled over - at the same time - from opposite sides of my stomach. They bumped into each other, and I felt them both jump and immediately return to their respective sides. If they didn't know about each other before then, they definitely knew they were roommates now.

During my third trimester, I was finishing my last semester of college. My brother thought I was crazy for considering a career in teaching. He couldn't understand how I would even think of trading in two kids for thirty. I barely fit in the school's desks by the time finals rolled around. It got harder and harder to walk to class, and I couldn't have finished college at a better time.

By thirty-six weeks, I went to the hospital for a mild case of shortness of breath among other things. The doctors decided to err on the side of caution and do an emergency C-section thus sparing me the pain of labor. Two healthy baby girls were born. Baby A was named Tara, and Baby B was named Abigail, although strangely enough her nickname went from "Abby" to just plain "B."

Richard, page 2
Double Trouble

The first week flew by, and the adjustment was not that hard for me. I was so used to working full-time and going to school full-time that getting four hour intervals of sleep seemed normal. Of course, when I went back to my ob/gyn for a follow-up visit, I refused to leave the office without a prescription for birth control. I will admit two was enough for me.

The doctors never could tell me with 100% certainty if they were fraternal or identical twins, but the first time I held Abi in the mirror and asked her, "Oh! Who is that?" She said, "Tara." Mystery solved-identical!

The next two years flew by, and I survived everything deemed impossible: exclusive breast-feeding, three schedules (the twins and mine), mild sicknesses, diaper changing, etc. Honestly, I never found time to dwell on how much work it takes to raise kids, and I always found motherhood to be overall a positive experience: the girls' laughs, their hugs, their kisses, telling me they love me, and their unique understanding of things. For example, "B" thought a french fry was a utensil to eat ketchup and the french fry should be thrown away once the ketchup was gone... Then there was the famous concept of hand washing. They were eating glazed donuts one morning, and I looked at their sticky fingers and said, "Do you need to wash your hands?" They both licked the glaze off of their hands and replied, "No."

After about eighteen months, I started suffering from migraine headaches - headaches like I never experienced. The doctors insisted the twins were the reason. I blamed my job - the hours, the stress, you know, but definitely not my babies.

The terrible twos came next, but they weren't that bad. Of course, the only time Tara and "B" worked together was when they were waking me up in the morning. Tara would rip the covers off of me and steal my pillow. "B" would pinch my eyelashes and yank open my eyelids. "Get up, Momma," they would simultaneously yell. Teamwork at its finest.

Now they are at the tender age of three, and it seems like everyone is proclaiming that their children were potty trained by eighteen months. "Aren't you tired of buying diapers for two?" Well, I'm afraid we haven't conquered that feat yet, but I am learning that the cost of diapers is quickly being replaced by the cost of toilet paper anyway. My twins are much more interested in flushing the toilet and getting the "telescope" (the brown paper roll) out of the actual tissue than they are potty training.

Of course, yesterday they thought they were being helpful by feeding our new fish - the whole bottle of fish food! And as I type this the next day, I have just discovered that they fed the fish again - half a bag of cheetos... Excuse me a minute while I move the T.V. stand so this stops once and for all...

Okay, turns out the doctor was right because I feel a migraine coming on. Anyway, everyone told me twins were "double trouble," but truth be told (even after the fish fiasco) I was blessed two times over.

Cough and sneezes spread diseases.
-- 1942 UK wartime health slogan

Humor Is Relative thanks Cay Dickson, from the Houston Chronicle, for the compliment!

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They do certainly give very strange and new-fangled names to diseases.
-- Plato [c. 427 BC - 347 BC]