.... where family is the source of humor!

Tooth Fairy and the Middle Child by Ali Gordon

The mythical Tooth Fairy pays a child for the natural act of having one of their baby teeth fall out. As Ali shares, in her humorous story, apparently the Tooth Fairy is not immune to inflation and cost of living somehow factoring into how much a child may receive in return for placing a baby tooth under the pillow.

When it comes to the imaginary beings we have visit our children for various occasions, I think we parents should all get together and be on the same page. For example, does the Easter Bunny leave baskets on your doorstep, or inside? Does Santa wrap his gifts, or leave them open for all eyes to see? Over time, I have realized talking with other parents that we all vary significantly in our traditions - which is fine. Until the kids start talking about it on the bus or the playground. My girls have come home several times to question me about the specifics of these characters.

The one I hear most about is the Tooth Fairy. Now, when I was little, I remember getting shiny quarters. These days inflation has turned pillowcases into ATM's.

My girls come home with tales of their friends finding $10 under their pillows! Holy Cavity! Do the math, each child should loose 20 teeth over the course of a few years. That's a lot of money! I have also been questioned about what the Tooth Fairy does with the teeth. Good question! Have you thought about it? One of my friends told her kids the tooth fairy uses the teeth to build a tooth castle. With my kids, each of these stories has led to many, many questions - and one very tired mom.

The thrill of the tooth fairy visiting my oldest daughter Amanda has dissipated. I still enjoyed playing along when Emma started to loose her teeth too. We have a collection of teeth from each of them (what are you supposed to do with them, anyway?) stored away. My husband and I used to get a kick out of reaching under the pillow, watching their sleeping faces, listening to the snores.

By now, though, I am getting a bit tired of it. Emma is 8, and still losing teeth at a pretty steady rate. They seem to fall out in pairs for her. A couple of months ago she lost one early in the day. By the time she went to bed I had completely forgotten that I needed to play fairy that night. She quietly slipped her tooth under her pillow and fell asleep with dreams of money dancing in her head. I was clueless. I awoke her the next morning, and moved on to wake the rest of the crew. A couple of minutes later, Emma came to me still groggy, and a bit angry. "The Tooth Fairy didn't come last night," she said.

I could have died right there. My head was spinning trying to come up with a good cover story. I managed to tell her something about the tooth fairy being overworked, and explained that sometimes she just can't make it to every child that first night.

"Try again tonight," I said. Emma went on her way, suspicious, but accepting of the story.

The rest of the day was insane. I was running in different directions all day long, keeping tabs on basketball practice, Drama Club, volunteering at preschool and attending a PTA meeting. By the evening I was shot - completely exhausted. Can you see where this is going? Emma didn't mention the tooth incident. She quietly went to bed, and I fell sound asleep on the couch. The next morning, the tooth was still under her pillow.

Now Emma was really angry. She checked under her pillow, and I turned 4 shades of red. I was hoping I could slip some money in and just tell her she looked in the wrong spot. No such luck. This child, so kind and careful nearly stripped her entire bed in a fury looking for the cash. I had no idea what to say. I slipped out of her room as she began to get dressed for school.

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when Emma came stomping in. She looked me straight in the eye as she slammed her tooth baggie down on the counter. "Mom, I know there is no such thing as the Tooth Fairy - are you going to give me the money or what?!" she said. I am sure this made the entire situation worse, but I started laughing out loud.

Standing in front of me was my middle child. She was trying very hard to hold on to that bit of innocence that comes with believing in these fairy tale stories. To some degree, I think Emma was going along with the whole thing for me. She wanted me to think she still believed. Emma knew her big sister didn't believe in any of it. Amanda gave up in kindergarten after some of the 'big kids' on the bus told her the truth about Santa. Amanda had been trying to tell Emma these were all just silly stories we made up. But she was not quite ready to let it go - until I confirmed for her by messing up that I was the culprit all along.

I did give Emma some money that day. I know it was out of guilt. Emma seems to understand now. She isn't angry about it anymore. In fact, she is talking up the tooth Fairy to Joseph and Isabella. They still have a little while before she visits them. I am pretty sure that when their time comes I will have an efficient assistant Tooth Fairy - her name is Emma Tess.

One of my baby teeth came out!... I have to say, I'm not entirely comfortable holding a piece of my own head.
-- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes strip by Bill Watterson

Humor Is Relative thanks Cay Dickson, from the Houston Chronicle, for the compliment!

My grandma had a weird sense of humor... She would steal Grandpa's teeth and leave thirty-two pennies in his water glass.
-- B.C. strip by Johnny Hart and Brant Parker

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In suggesting gifts: Money is appropriate, and one size fits all.
-- William Randolph Hearst (1863-1951)

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If we wish to live off fairy tales, it may be instructive to remember that the tooth fairy demands a piece of our children before she pays up, and we have to supply the cash.
-- Professor Loren Baritz