.... where family is the source of humor!

Naked Fears by Carol Wells

Carol's mother had a different outlook on things. Sometimes, however, this differing opinion sometimes left the same mother feeling perplexed - especially if one of her children did something different than what Carol's mother may consider 'appropriate'.

My mother could probably be best described as sexually conservative and not always receptive to what, in her mind, toed the line of decorum or good manners - even in the bedroom. The poor woman almost keeled over in shock one afternoon when my sister let it slip that she slept in the nude.

Mom failed to see any valid reasoning for a woman to sleep without anything but the sheets of the bed covering their body. My sister, in self-defense per se, informed my mother that my brother's wife also admitted to sleeping in the nude.

"You are joking, right," my mother asked.

"No," my sister replied. "I've been sleeping that way for several months now."

"Why on earth would anyone want to sleep naked," Mom mused out loud.

"Because I don't find nightgowns comfortable," my sister replied and further defended this decision of sleeping attire, or lack thereof, by sharing how gowns wrapped around her while she slept, so became uncomfortable. Pajamas, in her opinion, did not seem less prone to twisting. Bottom line was my sister felt she got a better night's rest without having to wake up to untangle herself.

"And your husband lets you do this," Mom mused somewhat disappointedly.

"He doesn't mind it at all," my sister replied honestly.

"I am sure he doesn't," my mother said with a tinge of sarcasm to her words. My mother sat silently for a few long seconds as she digested this information that not only did one of her daughters sleep in the nude but her son allowed his wife to so do so as well! Worse, yet, the two women apparently felt no shame over this as they talked about it with each other!

One could almost see the gears churn in her brain while trying to think of where she went wrong as a parent. Followed by with her trying to think of a way, as a parent, of how she could correct this situation. "What if there is a fire?"

"What?"

"What if there is a fire," my mother repeated the question. "Have you thought about that? What will you say to your neighbors and the police when they see you running out of the house naked as a jaybird? 'Oh, I didn't like it that I toss and turn too much while sleeping so skip wearing a nightgown anymore'?"

"I have a robe that I keep at the foot of the bed, Mom," my sister replied.

"Hmph, as if during a fire you may even have time to grab the robe or not panic and forget to grab it while escaping the house," my mother immediately retorted. "You seem to be forgetting this is a small town."

"Oh, mother . . ."

"And don't forget the firemen that will show up to put out the fire. And you there are - stark naked. You think they won't go home and tell others they saw you naked out in your front yard?"

"I think they would understand," my sister said. "After all, my house is on fire so it isn't like I could back inside and dress up for them."

"My point exactly," mom said. "And, just as a friendly reminder shared between me, you, and the fly on the wall, the local newspaper just may send a photographer to take a picture or two. Do you really want to risk becoming known as that woman who ran naked from her burning home that appeared on the paper's front page in all her glory? Trust me - if you slept in a gown then you would sleep a lot easier without worrying about, God forbid, standing naked in your front yard one night."

My mother would not be my mother if she had swept this under the rug without further comment. At Christmas-time, my sister and sister-in-law received nightgowns. "Just in case of a fire." In a way, I almost think my mother hoped a small fire would happen just so she could tell my sister, "See, I told you so!"

The two women took the nightgowns home, however this is not proof that my mother converted either one back to wearing nightgowns. More so I think both of them figured it was just easier to accept the gifts and hope Mom one day felt she had purchased them more than enough.

When my mother, later in time, asked me if I slept in the nude - I played it smart and changed the topic. After seeing what happened to my sister and former sister-in-law, I knew the whole family would know why I started to receive nightgown sets as gifts at Christmastime. Although my mother did pick out lovely ones - did I really want the whole family know about my sleeping habits? Not really.

Humorous Book Recommendations:             [ view all ]
Naked
[David Sedaris; 224 pages]
My husband and I look forward to listening to David Sedaris on NPR as his stories always have us laughing. Living with OCD, his mother's death, and realizing and accepting his homosexuality are amongst life's trying situations but he recounts about those with dignity and unique humorous insight.

Cough and sneezes spread diseases.
-- 1942 UK wartime health slogan

Humor Is Relative thanks Cay Dickson, from the Houston Chronicle, for the compliment!

You may give gifts without caring -- but you can't care without giving.
-- Frank A. Clark

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They do certainly give very strange and new-fangled names to diseases.
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